Law of Bag / Box OccupancyAll bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat AccelerationA cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Cat CompositionA cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Cat ElongationA cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat EmbarrassmentA cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Cat GravitationA cat's gravitational pull (i.e. weight) will vary upward in direct proportion to the desire of the human to move the cat.
Law of Cat InertiaA cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat InvisibilityCats think that if they can't see you, then you can't see them.
Law of Cat LandingA cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Cat MagnetismAll blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat MassThe mass of a cat is inversely proportional to its desire to be picked up.
Law of Cat MotionA cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat ObedienceAs yet undiscovered.
Law of Cat Probability (Uncertainty Principle)It is not possible to predict where a cat actually is, only the probability of where she might be.
Law of Cat SleepingAll cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat StretchingA cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat ThermodynamicsHeat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat WashingA cat will wash itself at any time which is appropiate, which includes especially the moment after something has been jumped and escaped.
Law of Concentration of Mass A cat's mass increases in direct proportion to the comfort of the lap she occupies.
Law of Dinner Table AttendanceCats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Electric Blanket AttractionTurn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Energy ConservationCats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Law of Equidistant SeparationAll cats in a given room will locate at points equidistant from each other, and equidistant from the center of the room.
Law of Fluid DisplacementA cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Furniture ReplacementA cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Milk ConsumptionA cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Obedience ResistanceA cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
Law of Pill RejectionAny pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Random Comfort SeekingA cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Refrigerator ObservationIf a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Rug ConfigurationNo rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Selective ListeningAlthough a cat can hear a can of tuna being opened a mile away, she can't hear a simple command three feet away.
Law of Space-time ContinuumGiven enough time, a cat will land in just about any space.
